


A Slamming Door

by KiroAngel



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Career-related Threats, Lovegood Weirdness, M/M, The Quibbler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2014-05-11
Packaged: 2018-01-24 10:11:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1601084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiroAngel/pseuds/KiroAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the war is over, Luna has moved away, and all he is left with is a lonely life as the editor of the Quibbler, what is Xenophilius Lovegood to do? The answer comes in the form of a blindingly blonde catalyst and one dramatic slamming door.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Slamming Door

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Alright, so everyone finds Xenophulius Lovegood/Lucius Malfoy hilarious but no one thinks it would make a good story. So. Here I am, making this a good story. Because I felt like it.
> 
> And I think it would be frankly hilarious.
> 
> It takes place... Well, I honestly have no clue. Let's say it happens after the war is over an done with. Lucius has done his five years in Azkaban for Death Eater activity or whatever and is now back as a politician, playing the whole "reformed, just trying to save his family" card.
> 
> I really loved writing this, and I hope you enjoy reading it. I mean no offense to either of these men's marriages, this is just me renting them for a while.
> 
> All characters, settings, etc. belong to JK Rowling, not me.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> ~Kiro

It was a cold and windy Tuesday. The gales were knocking the dirigible plums around, and Xenophilius had needed to tie them away from the house so that they wouldn't bruise. At present, he was sitting cross-legged in his favorite armchair, a cup of Gurdyroot tea at his elbow, meditating on where to go next in his search for the Crumple-horned Snorkack. He was interrupted, however, by a loud crack and rattle as the opened sectioned door blew against the wall under the force of the gale.

Xenophilius continued to meditate for a few minutes, ignoring the clank of the door being forced back into its socket and the impatient tap-tapping of a silver tipped cane on his floor boards that followed. The tapping and footsteps advanced up the stairs to where Xenophilius was meditating in his living room. He only looked up when he reached for his tea only to have it whisked out of his reach the second before. He raised his eyes to those of the impatient man standing before him.

"May I help you?"

Lucius Malfoy raised an eyebrow, setting the undrinkable tea back on the table, out of Xenoplilius's reach. He leaned his cane on his leg as he removed his gloves one finger at a time.

"I was wondering if I might do business with you, Mr. Lovegood. You see, it has come to my attention that your... publication has been issuing some rather inflammatory articles about my career as a politician."

Lucius draped his gloves over one arm, moving to take a seat at one of the opposing armchairs without being asked. Meanwhile, Xenophilius looked on with a glazed, vaguely curious look that seemed typical of his family.

"Normally this would not concern me, but my recent observations have been that your sad newsprint has been accruing readers. So, I have been forced to take action."

At this, Xenophilius nodded and lifted his chin in a vaguely defiant gesture.

"And what sort of actions were you thinking of taking, Mr. Malfoy?"

The politician gave him a wry smile.

"Ah, I see you do remember me. Well, I happen to be very well connected in the ministry. I have friends in high places and say, perhaps, another inflammatory article may float my way, they may be inclined to take a second look at the licenses for your establishment."

Lucius smirked widely as the other man's eyes widened.

"But my paperwork is completely legitimate," Lovegood protested, "and you can't take away my license without a violation."

"Ah, but we both know that you are a bit lax with your timekeeping. One trip to Sweden looking for your precious Snumple-horned Korcrax and you lose all track of your dates. I believe that your license was due to be renewed months ago. If the ministry was aware that you have been practicing without a valid license for six months, your publication would cease to exist within minutes."

Xenophilius's eyes darted around his ramshackle home for a few moments before fleeing to the snake head of his visitor's cane, then those maliciously smiling grey eyes, then back down to his hands.

"What would you like me to do, then?"

Lucius leaned back in pleasure, steepling his hands and trying not to think of what he was getting on his robes by doing so.

"Nothing complex. You simply need to cease mentioning the Malfoy names in a bad light."

Xenophilius hesitated for a moment, then nodded shakily, wishing he had more tea to sip at that moment. If his entire livelihood was at risk, he could do something as simple as not mention the Malfoys. They might have been major players in the war, but they were not worth the loss of his entire paper.

"Good," Lucius drawled, sitting back up in his chair. "Well, then, I shall leave you back to... whatever you were doing before." He stood and began to pull his gloves back on.

"Just remember, Xenophilius. One does not play with fire if they do not wish to be burned."

With that the man advanced down the creaking stairs. A few seconds later, the front door slammed open and clinked closed, leaving Xenophilius alone in a mostly silent house. He thought he might have heard the distant crack of aparation, but he couldn't be sure.

~

The door swung open creakily. Xenophilius thought that Malfoy was likely disappointed with the lack of drama, as today there was no wind outside so the door only let out a tired groan. Lucius decided to compensate by growling as loud as is possible for one to growl.

"Xenophilius Lovegood!"

Xenophilius, who was positioned at his writing desk at the back of his home, looked up. He cocked his head, ignoring the pince-nez spectacles that fell off his face to clatter on the larpha bean string holding them around his neck.

"Yeeeees?" he called through to the front room where Lucius was standing.

Lucius immediately swept through the house, the wind from his robes causing several papers to fly from their places as he passed. He entered with his hair flowing behind him, spitting mad. The image distinctly reminded Xenophilius of an albino Spitting Hooded Wyvern, which was somewhat common in the cliffs near Wales. It was a very striking image, and Xeno found himself admiring the power and handsomeness that radiated off the angry politician. This was not aided when Lucius came to stand within five inches of Xeno's chair. He spun to face the intruding Malfoy.

"What is _this_?" Lucius thrust a newspaper clipping- one that Lovegood recognized well, as it was from his own newspaper- into his face. Xenophilius looked it over calmly.

"It appears to be an article on my recent expedition to Cambodia in the search for a distant cousin of the Manticore."

Lucius hissed through his teeth, obviously trying to regain his composure- or at the very least not ring Xenophilius's neck.

"I know what it is, Xenophilius. I was wondering why it mentions that the Malfoys have funded this little insane galavant off into the middle of nowhere."

And indeed, the paper did mention Lucius Malfoy having provided funds for the trip. Xenophilius had written it in there himself.

_"... and with some gracious financial backing from the resurfacing politician Lucius Malfoy, the trip was a resounding success..."_

"Well," supplied Xenophilius, admiring the sharpened rapier gleam in the other man's eyes, "by not turning my publication in to the Ministry, you did allow me to continue to raise funds for the research trip."

Lucius sat back on his heels with a huff.

"And you thought that this did not qualify as 'bad publicity' for the Malfoy name?"

Xenophilius put on a slightly dreamy smile, the kind that said "I am just a harmless wackjob who really has no idea that what he is doing might not be appropriate, and is trying to be nice".

"Well, I don't see how you funding my expedition could be seen as negative. It is rather like giving to a charity, is it not?"

Lucius couldn't seem to find anything to say to that. Instead he brushed off his charcoal robes, snatched up his cane, and swept out the way he had came. Xenophilius admired his figure as he strode out, listening to the door slam and the silence afterwords. A smile stretched his face as he thought of how Malfoy's colleagues would likely react to seeing that line of the article.

~

The party was grand, and Xenophilius was having a grand time. The Ministry had decided that, since the party was in honor of the recent success of the Quibbler and its patrons, they would have a magical creature-themed party. There was dirigible plum punch, fairy lights consisting of actual flying fairies, several ice sculptures (including one of the Spitting Hooded Wyvern, much to Xenophilius's delight), and people wearing the oddest costumes imaginable.

Xenophilius had just come from the dance floor when he was stopped by his first and foremost patron.

Malfoy had decided to keep to the more tasteful end of Lovegood-style fashion. He had chosen sky blue robes of a flattering cut, animated with clouds, and tied his hair back with a thong of brownie-made twine. It wasn't strictly Lovegood, but it passed without too much criticism.

"Marvelous party in your honor, Xenophilius."

The older blonde smiled off into the crowd, dreamy gaze combing through the abundance of people.

"Where is your Narcissa?"

He could sense Lucius sigh and shift his weight by his side, trying to find his politician's tongue. After a few moments he decided that plain speech was enough. It wasn't as if Xenophilius was one of the ministry puppets that he had to mince words with every day.

"The divorce was finalized last week. We have been separated since the war, only staying together to give Draco some stability. He's getting married in the spring, so we figured that enough was enough."

Xenophilius nodded, watching as his own daughter danced with a group until a young man asked her to dance. She walked off with him, laughing her half-lucid laugh as he escorted her to a different part of the floor.

"I understand what you mean. There was a time in my life when I would have done- did do- anything for my Luna."

"I well remember."

Lucius looked sideways at the other blonde, then glanced back at the dance floor, leaning slightly on his cane.

"I must apologize for that. I know it will not make a difference, but I had no say in any of the prisoners within my home. I never wanted my manor to be invaded by the Dark Lord, but what the Dark Lord wanted the Dark Lord got, whether willingly or by force."

He paused.

"I did look the other way when my son sent down house elves with food and potions, though. If that counts."

Xenophilius nodded thoughtfully, listening to the laughter and chatter around him.

"Thank you, then, for that. I accept your apology, as well. It was not right, nor good, what you did, but Luna and I turned out alright. The world cannot survive without forgiveness, and I can tell by the dirlyhue in your hair that you are sincere."

The two stood in silence for a few moments, just comfortable in each other's company. They watched the revelers as they danced and sometimes sang along with the music being magically magnified through the room. A few of the fairies were taking opportunities to pull at people's hair when they weren't looking, and several had made a game out of stealing ribbons from the women's hair.

Out of the blue, Lucius spoke.

"I suppose I ought to thank you, as well, for you writing me into your article on your expedition to Cambodia. If not for that, I would have never been fully accepted into the new Ministry, and we would not be here now."

Xenophilius merely smiled and started walking away to where his daughter was waving him over. He called absently over his shoulder, "Always follow your instincts, Lucius, and listen to the Karniggles."

~

This time the door didn't slam open, but shut. Xenophilius had shooed off the infestation of Ceernocks that had been causing the squeaky hinges earlier that week, so the door was working smoothly. Apparently Lucius wasn't in the growling mood today, so he had chosen to go the door-slamming drama route this morning.

And it was morning. Xenophilius still had his night cap on and was making his morning cup of tea when his blonde patron had entered his home and slammed the door closed, shaking the whole house. The cane tapped satisfyingly against the wooden floorboards as Lucius advanced to the kitchen. He halted in the doorway to watch the slightly older man in shag robes and a mismatching fuchsia night cap toddle around the tiny kitchen.

Once Xenophilius had finished making his morning cuppa, as well as an extra for his guest, they advanced up the stairs to the living room. They each sat on the same chair they had occupied during Lucius's first visit to the Lovegood residence, drinking their tea or ignoring it in silence.

After staring at Xenophilius for about thirty seconds, Lucius abruptly snapped his fingers in the air. To the right of the host's armchair, on a small table littered with discarded papers, a thick volume landed with a heavy clunk.

Xeno looked at the heavy tome, intrigued. He wondered how many hours of practice it had taken Lucius and a house elf to pull off that trick successfully.

After a moment, Xenophilius realized that there was likely a point to the book being there other than its fancy arrival. Indeed, peering at the cover he could make out " _Magical Creatures You Never Thought Existed: Extended Edition_."

"I want you to annotate it." The words came in the verbal silk politician's tones typical of the Malfoy patriarch. Xenophilius looked up and cocked his head.

"Whatever for?"

Lucius's lips quirked in a half-smirk. "So that I can understand more than three quarters of what you say."

This time Xenophilius cocked his head in the other direction.

"Why? Are you going to seek my advice on the number of wrackspurts making a home out of your head?"

Lucius grinned wolfishly, standing and collecting his cane.

"No. I anticipate being able to keep up with your conversations over our future dinners together."

Xeno pulled a lock of hair that had fallen from his night cap behind his ear, his eyes smiling.

"Have you a set plan, then?"

Lucius nodded.

"Next Friday at eight I will arrive here to escort you to dinner. We shall dine at a suitably upscale establishment, and during the meal you will give me the book with your added notes for my perusal. Then I shall escort you home, and afterword will read this book from cover to cover. Then we shall continue to meet for subsequent romantic rendezvous in order to discuss your notes as well as any other subjects that may strike our fancy."

Xenophilius smiled broadly and nodded at the other man. Lucius twitched slightly.

"Good." Another twitch, and he bent at the waist to brush his lips against the other's pale cheek. Then he turned and advanced down the steps.

Halfway down, he turned and called back up "Wear the robes you wore to the Ministry function. The color brings out your eyes."

A few seconds later, the door swung open and shut with a clang.

~

The next Friday at precisely eight o' clock, three sharp raps sounded on the door to the Lovegood residence. Various creaks echoed through the house as Xenophilius picked his way to the double door.

He swung open first the top then bottom part of the door to reveal a very classily dressed Lucius Malfoy. Of course, Lucius never dressed anything but classily, but he seemed to have put in a certain effort today. The robes had been made in a certain soft black that was most likely chosen to not clash with the puce robes that Xenophilius had donned for the occasion. The snake headed cane that he was never seen without rested in Lucius's right hand. A soft silver shirt poked from below the ivory robes, matching stylishly with the glistening fangs of his cane.

Xenophilius's silver Deathly Hallows pendant clattered against his sternum in the light breeze. The silence continued for several odd moments.

"I see that you have brought the book that I requested you annotate." Lucius's eyes had fastened to the leather-bound tome beneath Xenophilius's arm.

Xeno followed his eyes to gaze curiously at the book.

"Yes. I have been suffering a wrackspurt infestation for the last week, so I have only been able to make my way through a third of the book."

Lucius smirked.

"I guess we shall just have to arrange subsequent meetings, then. But I digress. Are you ready to accompany me?"

Xenophilius blinked and turned to look behind him at his ramshackle home. The organized chaos of knick-knacks and papers was strewn over every surface: the debris of the life he had lived. He gazed back at the work that had given him his daughter and his living, his entire life behind him. Then, Xenophilius turned and gazed at the man who had given him greater fulfillment and would soon give him a loving companion for his declining days.

"Yes. Yes, I am."


End file.
